


Guys My Age

by aestheticallyexo



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Drug Use, F/M, Friends With Benefits, High Sex, Inspired by Music, Mentions of drugs, Mirror Sex, Motel, One Night Stands, Oral Sex, Physical Relationship Only, Rough Sex, Smut, Unhealthy - Freeform, Unhealthy Relationships, alcohol use, inner turmoil, motel sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-31
Updated: 2018-07-31
Packaged: 2019-06-13 05:37:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15357414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aestheticallyexo/pseuds/aestheticallyexo
Summary: in which hoseok is the guy your age you just can’t forget





	Guys My Age

**Author's Note:**

> sequel/follow up to ugly, read that first here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15357414  
> based off guys my age by hey violet, listen here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ixYnl0kGeI  
> contains sexual activity under the influence of drugs but consent was predetermined  
> includes manipulation + unhealthy tones

  You broke up with Hoseok the morning after. His jealousy really freaked you out. He wasn’t particularly bothered when you asked him to leave. Hell, he didn’t even ask for an explanation. He just grabbed any of his clothes he might have left in your room and headed to the door. 

 He did say one last thing to you though, and it was a little chilling.

_ “Good luck forgetting about me.” _

  And he was gone. You just chalked it up to cockiness and chose to ignore it. Because it’s all about cockiness, right?

  You went out with Changkyun that afternoon for coffee as planned. Turtleneck on and concealer hiding most of the damage, he would have never suspected a thing. The coffee date went well. So well that he asked you to go out with him again for dinner the next evening. 

  Hoseok’s ‘warning’ rang in your mind, but you still agreed. 

  The dinner date went well too, with Changkyun inviting you back to his place afterwards for coffee. You knew what that invite entailed and you went through with it. The sex was absolutely meaningless to you; nothing more than a mere distraction from your breakup. 

  Even still, something felt...off. It wasn’t terrible or anything, but you couldn’t quite put a finger on what didn’t feel right. He asked you to go out with him again but you declined. Part of you said it was because you would have to look him in the eye at work every day. But another part of you just felt like it wasn’t right. 

  Changkyun wasn’t offended or anything about you declining but he was definitely sad. You just rathered being co-workers and acquaintances. 

  At least he didn’t bring up the hickeys on your neck. Or leave anymore. The last thing you needed was another lasting impression on your body. 

  After a week and a half, you went back to the club you met Hoseok at. You were looking to associate the place with better memories and a better person. It was there you met Jongin. He was off on the dance floor, moving with more fluidity and skill than anyone else there. You danced with him forever until he started whispering dirty little sweet nothings against your lips. 

  You went back to that same motel, same honeymoon suite too. He kissed you for hours that night, til his beautiful plump lips were swollen and pink. You hoped to now longer associate the neon pink lights and mirror with Shin Hoseok. 

  Jongin knew how to move his hips. He touched you like a woman and damn well fucked you like one. You watched yourself in the mirror above the bed and felt nothing. To kiss a new man in the honeymoon suite felt wrong.

  After Jongin came Taeyong. After Taeyong came Minho. After Minho, you stopped keeping track of their names. Every single encounter, every single hookup, Shin fucking Hoseok was still so stuck in your mind and you wanted him out. 

  Not even getting yourself off helped. You spent many a night with your vibrator between your legs to see if  _ anything  _ felt right but there was still nothing. 

  Complete and absolute nothing. 

  You consulted your friend about everything that’d been happening. That being said, you left out just how many hookups you’ve had since. 

  However, you did bring up his last words. “So he’s really in your head, huh?” You were hoping she’d have a great explanation or even offer some guidance. “Fucking badly, yeah.”

  She tried to think of something. “You know I’m not Doctor Phil. I’m not gonna think of some long-term way of helping you forget this guy, but I know of a great distraction. You know my boyfriend, Jooheon? He’s having a bunch of his friends over on Friday night. There’ll be weed, drinks, and they’re all pretty hot. Might be good for you.”

  While you weren’t necessarily looking for yet another hookup, maybe this would be fun. Worst case scenario: you get a little high and forget about your problems for a while.

***

  Friday came faster than you thought. You drove to Jooheon’s that night, repeating over and over in your mind that  _ this will be good for me. _ A text sent from your friend this morning said that the apartment door would be unlocked and that you were free to stay the night if you wanted. Stood outside the door, you debated whether or not you wanted to do this. 

   Were you ready for this? Part of you felt inexplicably uneasy about this little get together with Jooheon’s friends. You took a deep breath to mentally prepare yourself, and swung the door open. 

  You were met with purple lights and the smell of weed.  _ I can do this.  _ Your friend noticed you were there and hurried over to you. “You’re here! Let me introduce you to the guys!”

  She dragged you to the couch where everyone was sitting. “(Y/N), you already know Jooheon. This is Kihyun, Hyunwoo, Minhyuk, Hyungwon, and-”

  “Hoseok.” You blurted out. 

  Hoseok was one of Jooheon’s friends. 

  Of course he was. 

  “We already know each other.” Hoseok cut her off before she could begin to ask, smirk ever present on his face. Your friend looked to for an explanation, but the look you gave told her it was a long story. She pushed for you to sit next to him and you had no say in the matter. 

  Luckily, she also put a drink in your hand. It was some fruity thing in a can, but you didn’t care about what it tasted like. You drank a good half of it right off the bat and hoped whatever this drink was would get you through the evening. Out the corner of your eye, you caught Hoseok staring with an all too familiar smirk on his lips. He seemed amused that you were even in his presence.

  “Isn’t this funny, baby? I didn’t think I’d see you again, much less here.” His warm breath against your ear sent shivers down your spine. “Absolutely hilarious.” You muttered to yourself. He sank back into his seat, chuckling to himself about who knows what. 

  You peered at him from the corner of your eye again, watching as he took a sip from the same kind of drink as you. He was laughing at something his friend said across the room, running his hands through his bangs. Hoseok took another sip, a few stray drops of fruit flavoured alcohol running down his lips that his tongue darted out to catch-

  No. Your eyes tore away from him, and you were almost certain that he’d caught you staring. Maybe you let him catch you staring. You wanted him again, despite the all the reasons you pushed him away. Maybe being with Hoseok just one last time would fix everything. One last time and you’d be done for good. 

  Kihyun passed you a blunt. You inhaled, letting little puffs of smoke pass from your lips before exhaling the rest. Hoseok watched you do it again; mesmerized by the little smoke clouds leaving your mouth. He was staring at your lips, not even trying to hide it. 

  The blunt was plucked from between your fingers and landed between his teeth. Now you were staring at his lips, watching him inhale. About half of the smoke was blown out from his lips before he grabbed you by the chin and kissed you. 

  Fucking finally. You melted against his lips and kissed him back. His smoke blew out your nose and clouded your senses. Voices and music in the background were drowned out. You knew this was bad, and that he’d probably hurt you again, but you couldn’t will yourself to stop. 

  He took your bottom lip between his teeth and kissed you harder. You could feel his hands on your body, pushing up your shirt and feeling the bare skin there. He was getting handsier by the second. The current side-to-side position you two were in didn’t make it easy to get closer to him.

  In fact, you would’ve already crawled into his lap if it weren’t for all the people in the room. He (surprisingly) broke the kiss and stared right into your eyes. That damned smirk was on his lips as he looked into your eyes and sank back into the couch. 

  You were dumbfounded. He was practically ready to strip you down right then and there, and now he was on his phone? You were ready to curse men out or talk to another one of Jooheon’s friends, your phone buzzed. 

_   To: You _

_   From: Hoseok  _

_ Meet me in the bathroom in two minutes. Don’t keep me waiting.  _

  Hoseok pocketed his phone and got up from his seat. What remained of the blunt was passed back to one of the guys and he hurried out of the room. It seemed like no one else noticed you and Hoseok making out, or they were pretending that they hadn’t. Your friend was in Jooheon’s lap and giggling at something he whispered in her ear. Kihyun and Hyungwon were playing a video game. Minhyuk was on his phone, swiping through photos of girls on a dating app.

_ One more time and I’ll be done with him.  _

_   One more time.  _

  You downed the rest of your second can and kept your eyes on the clock. At a minute thirty, you were on your feet and outside the bathroom door. You opened the door very slowly, only to be yanked inside and have it slam shut behind you. 

  Hoseok had you up against the door, hands on either side of your face. “I knew you wouldn’t be able to forget me.” He crooned against your lips. “Well, you don’t exactly make it easy.” Your words weren’t nearly as calm as you’d intended them to be; they came out more like a blurt. 

  He chuckled at you and how uneasy your response sounded. You were looking into his deep eyes; they were dark enough for you to see your own reflection. “You didn’t make it very easy either, baby.” His knuckles caressed your cheek as he whispered out the words. 

  Tension hung thick in the air. Hoseok’s lips were literal millimetres away from yours. “And I’ll bet you thought about me when you were with Changkyun,” You cringed when you heard his name. “You probably thought about me with other guys, too. Thought about me with their hands all over you, wishing they were mine. Their lips, their bodies, you wanted me and not them.”

  How long was he gonna keep you waiting? You just about whined when he spoke. The dirty talk was definitely getting to you, and he definitely knew it. “Do you want to be my queen again?” He asked, voice still barely above a whisper. 

  You weren’t sure about saying yes, but you needed this right now. You (although hesitant) nodded at him and he flashed you a very quick smile. 

  “Perfect.”

  Just like that, he was kissing you again. Kissing like you were oxygen and he was a man starved of breath. You missed the way he kissed you in your months apart. Indecisive hands moved from your cheek to your midsection and back again. You flicked your tongue at his bottom lip and he allowed you into his mouth. He tasted like the sweet alcohol and just a hint of something you couldn’t quite place. 

  You were certain you could get off just by kissing him alone. The tips of your fingers dug deep into his shoulder blades, grabbing at the muscles there while he started palming at your ass. Hoseok slid his thumbs in the waistband of your panties, slowly pulling them down your legs. 

  The kiss was broken, but only so he could tell you to sit up on the countertop beside the sink. You did as told, leaving an open space for him to stand between. Hoseok pushed your skirt up your legs to bare yourself for him. 

  “How do you want me? Mouth or fingers?” He purred, lips dragging down your neck. “Mouth, please!” It came out as a whine but you didn’t care. You needed this. 

  You pushed yourself closer to the edge of the counter and he spread your legs. He muttered some words of praise against your thigh as he trailed his lips up your skin. They left soft kisses in their wake, occasionally turning to little bites. You were impatient, occasionally bucking your hips up so he knew you wanted him to  _ get on with it _ . 

  Hoseok liked to take the time to tease you until you were worked up enough for your voice to sound like you were about to cry. It got to a point where his breath was just barely fanning over your pussy and tears were already threatening to slip. If the soft coos he mumbled into your thigh were used to try and comfort you, the long lick up your pussy was a consolation prize. 

  Shivers went all down your spine after finally getting the direct contact you needed. You were shocked to hear him groan before you did, muttering some words of praise that you were simply too distracted to hear. The tip of his tongue traced over your folds, teasing you once again. Part of you had forgotten where you were and that being quiet was in your best interest. 

  After the months apart, you needed this. Days and weeks of tension and frustration melted away while he devoured you like a starved man. Hoseok’s teeth were pressed against your sensitivity when you were particularly loud and his hands would rub your thighs soothingly as if to remind you that you needed to be quiet or else you’d get caught in the act. 

  Try as you might, you couldn’t will yourself to stay silent. Every sensation was damn near intoxicating. You knew you probably wouldn’t last very long from the get go but you felt like you needed to prolong this experience and milk it for all it was worth. 

_ One last time. _ You continued to tell yourself. 

  The familiar tightness in your abdomen had set in and you knew that you were incredibly close. He’d been purposely neglecting your clit this entire time to completely abuse it when he could feel your walls start to clench around his tongue. 

  You probably would have cum right there, on your friend’s bathroom counter. Why didn’t you? There was a knock on the bathroom door. 

   “Could you two wrap it up in there? Not to be that guy, but I kinda need to take a piss.”

  It was Jooheon. 

  Hoseok stopped what he was doing and let go of your thighs. You released your vice grip on his hair. No matter how shameless this rendez-vous was, you two were still embarrassed for being caught. Looking into each other’s eyes, you and Hoseok started to laugh. It could’ve been due to your slightly inebriated states, but this whole situation was oddly funny. 

  “Does that mean we have to stop?” You asked, hoping the answer was no, or that he’d at least finish you off first. “Well, I’m all for going back out there if you want. But, I have a key to the honeymoon suite, and we forgot about the complimentary bottle of champagne last time. I think we’re sober enough to drive. 

  Amazing. You gave him a small shove so you had enough room to move off the counter and another to pin him against the door. “We’re going to go to that motel, and you’re gonna fuck me nice and good in the honeymoon suite because it’s been too long and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since I got here.”

  Hoseok was a little taken aback by your bold statement. But based off the look on his face, he wasn’t opposed to it in the slightest. He took you by the hand and lead you out of the bathroom. You sent Jooheon a somewhat apologetic smile before leaving the apartment without a word to anyone else. 

  The apartment was on the eleventh floor of an extremely old fifteen floor building. That meant a nice and slow elevator ride where you two had full reign to get as handsy as you wanted and the only interruption at the current hour would be the elevator reaching the lobby. 

_ This still counts as one time, right? We were interrupted, and the one last time still hasn’t technically happened.  _

  You had him against the wall again, tugging at the ends of his hair while you kissed him furiously. Your taste was on his tongue and lips but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. Hoseok needed you, to feel your body quake underneath his hands. 

  He damn well knew he wasn’t good for you. Perhaps he knew it as much as you did. But what either of you knew was irrelevant in this given moment. After all, it was just  _ one more time _ . 

  The elevator door opened sooner that you thought. Part of you was almost disappointed that you had to stop but you knew that what would transpire in the motel would be far better than what little time you spent in the elevator could ever provide. 

  You pulled yourself off him when the elevator dinged to signify that you’d reached your destination. His car was park right in front of the building, leading you to believe he was planning this all along. 

  Hopping in the car, Hoseok drove to the motel  with the top down and music blaring. It felt like the morning after you’d hooked up for the first time, driving to breakfast. Hopefully, it wouldn’t end like that again. 

  The drive felt too long. You were still on edge from your almost-orgasm from before and the tent in Hoseok’s pants was nowhere near invisible. Part of you was almost ready to throw caution to the wind and ride him while he drove. 

  But finally, you were there for what would be the last time. He grabbed a small baggy of blunts and a lighter from his glove compartment, as well as a couple of condoms. You were lead towards the open air complex to the door with the tacky ‘honeymoon suite’ sign. 

  Low and behold, his key worked. Everything looked the same as it did before. Fake rose petals in the shape of a heart on a small table with a bucket of champagne in it, the satin sheets, and even the mirror on the ceiling. What you’d failed to notice the last two times you’d been in that room was the tiny balcony. 

  It looked like it barely had enough room for the two of you to stand on it, but that didn’t matter. “How about you light one up and I’ll pop the champagne.” You grabbed the baggy and lighter before heading back onto the balcony. You took the first hit while looking at the night sky. Hoseok came with two glasses (made of plastic) and you clinked them together. 

  He took the joint while you took a sip of your champagne. It was undoubtedly cheap, but the warmth that spread through you was absolutely perfect. The neon pink tinge of the lights from the room cast a beautiful glow on Hoseok. 

  You wanted to kiss him again. 

  He tasted like marijuana and cheap champagne. But that didn’t matter. All that matter was the ferocity in which his lips were devouring your own. His erection was poking against you hard, and you wanted it inside of you so badly. You tugged on the ends of his hair to pull him closer and keep him right where you needed him at that moment. 

  All the breath was gone from your lungs. You felt incredibly light and airy when he pulled away for air and he stared into your eyes with that familiar lust. The blunt had been long since extinguished and your empty ‘glasses’ were long since discarded to the floor. “Fuck.” Was all he could mutter before you were thrown over his shoulder and brought back into the room. 

  You were giggling as he dropped you down onto the bed quickly hushed when he started kissing you again. No time was wasted and his tongue was licking into your mouth immediately. You were starting to tug his shirt up his back and his hands were hiking up your skirt. Eventually, both offending garments were on the floor and you were unbuttoning Hoseok’s pants. His lips were on your neck kissing softly and nibbling at your more sensitive points while he slowly started rocking his hips against you for some relief. 

  Both of your bottom halves were bare and the condom was on. You’d switched positions so you could ride him while you jerked him off slowly and ran his cock through your folds. He was groaning and bucking his hips up to try and push himself inside, but you wouldn’t let him. 

  Hoseok groaned. You relished in the sounds he was making while allowing his tip inside for a split second and sliding it out again. “If you don’t-” He started to threaten, but you interrupted him by sinking all the way down on his cock. The familiar burn of being stretched settled into your abdomen and you simply relished in how  _ fucking _ full you felt.

  The sounds he made were beautiful when you clamped tightly around him. You (very slowly) started to move and rock around him. Hoseok didn’t like the pace you’d set and went to grab your hips, but you grabbed his hands and forced them against the mattress. 

  “Let me.” You bent down to whisper in his ear. Hoseok wasn’t satisfied with keeping his hands down, so he started groping your chest through your bra. He couldn’t quite reach the clasps so you reached behind and unclasped it for him. Your bra was the last piece of clothing on the floor and you were completely naked before him. 

  He squeezed your boobs and used his thumb to apply pressure to your nipples. It was now that you were starting to move with a little more vigour, and moaning a little more. You could see the restraint it was taking him to keep his hands off your hips. 

  “Fuck,” He groaned, bucking his hips into you and removing his hands to run them through his hair. The added thrust made you and your chest bounce harder, and his hands were right back where they started. “Have your tits always been this big?” He groped them harder and you threw your head back. 

  You were completely bouncing on him now, whining everytime he hit your g-spot. Hoseok was keeping himself from touching you, but this pace was almost teasingly slow to him. “More!” He growled, smacking your ass and bucking his hips up into yours. 

  Yes, you were going slow. But you wanted to prolong the experience if this was gonna be it. You started moving a little faster (still slowly), but Hoseok wasn’t down with it. He growled again and thrust you down onto him. You were particially on edge from the orgasm you didn’t achieve earlier and you knew it probably wouldn’t take much more to cum. 

  He was in control, using you to fuck himself on his cock. Your moans were getting caught in your throat as a jolt of pleasure spread through you. “Ugh-Hoseok!” You cried out his name and you could hear him grunt. 

  “Do it again, say my name again.”

  Hoseok thrust into you harder when he said that. “Hoseok!” It came out more as a mewl this time, as you rolled your hips in tune with his. 

  “Again!” He growled. You were so close to cumming you could practically taste it. Too blissed out to comprehend, he slapped your ass again and reminded you of what I wanted to hear. What came out of your mouth sounded just vaguely like ‘Hoseok’. It was too breathy and too choked but it was good enough for him. You clamped tight around him as you rode out your orgasm. 

  He was still thrusting into you long after overstimulation set in. You were practically crying when he came, burying himself as deep as he could when he came into the condom. 

  Both of you were breathing heavy while coming  down from your highs. You got off of him, rolling onto the mattress beneath you. He threw out the condom and wiped you down with a damp washcloth before sliding under the covers and muttering about how good his queen was to him. 

  You woke up the next morning in a bed. It wasn’t yours, you knew that for sure. On top of that, you were groggy and weren’t wearing your clothes from the night before either. You remembered Hoseok’s car and smoking with him outside. You remembered being thrown over his shoulder and taking off your clothes. 

  You sat up to see that you were in the honeymoon suite at the motel. Hoseok was under the covers beside you, sleeping soundly. Checking your phone showed that it was a little before seven am. You also saw that you had a shit ton of messages from your friend about where you went last night and what the fuck you and Hoseok did to make Jooheon so pissy. It was way too early to be awake (especially when you didn’t have work) and you groaned a little.

  Turning over, you wound up pressed flush against Hoseok. He was warm, and you were welcomed into his arms. He smelled nice, the faded smell of aftershave and sex clinging to his skin. The scent was all around you and you were completely and totally intoxicated by it. It was something you’d miss. 

  Once it was a more reasonable hour, you woke uo to hear Hoseok in the shower. You were tempted to knock on the door and join him. It wasn’t an exception to your ‘one more time’ rule if you two just fooled around in the shower, was it? That little voice in the back of your mind was screaming out to you that you were just making excuses now. 

 Oh well. You poked your head into the steamy bathroom before actually entering. Hoseok noticed you through the glass of the shower and smiled to himself. That was your invitation to join him. Your shirt was thrown to the floor and you stepped in. 

 “Hi.” He murmured. You could tell he hadn’t been in for very long; his voice was still heavy with sleep and his hair wasn’t even damp. Hoseok’s eyes were staring down at your naked body, and you could already see the flash of hunger flickering in his eyes. 

  “Hi yourself.” You say back. He made room for you under the water’s spray and you rinsed off your hair. There were cheap bottles of shampoo and conditioner along the ledge of the shower so you grabbed the shampoo and got to work lathering it. Hoseok didn’t seem so keen on talking, which was fine by you. 

  He watched as you took the suds and used them to wash yourself, dragging your hands down your chest to your thighs. While unintentionally teasing, he grabbed more shampoo and took the ‘initiative’ to start washing your body for you. He grabbed your chest like the had the night before, spreading the soap over your chest with his thumbs. 

  As he worked his way down, you noticed how hard he was becoming. You ran your hands down his chest, feeling the muscle beneath your fingers and watching Hoseok’s gaze follow you down until you were right above his cock. When you finally started to stroke him, he let out a relieved groan. 

  You jerked him off to full hardness (maybe a little beyond that) and Hoseok pushed you against the shower wall. For what would be the last time, his lips were on yours. 

  Hoseok drove you back home after that. You didn’t have breakfast together, no secret touches exchanged, none of that. Unlike your first time with him, this was more like a true one night stand. The ride was silent too, no old music playing on the radio while driving with the convertible’s top down. 

  It was silent and uncomfortable. The air in the car hung heavy with something you couldn’t quite place. You tried telling yourself that all this was a good thing, that it meant you were surely done with him and that you’d be able to move on. Yeah, that was your plan all along. But why did you feel so shitty about it?

  He pulled up to your apartment building in what could have been seconds. Your fingers wrapped around the door handle, but you couldn’t bring yourself to pull it open and get out. You looked to him what would be the last time and he was a little confused. Before he could begin to ask what was up, you said some words you knew you’d come to regret.

  “I want us to keep fucking.”

  Hoseok definitely wasn’t expecting you to say that. Hell, you weren’t even sure if you meant to say that. Nonetheless, he was intrigued. “You still want me, baby?” You nodded (a little hesitantly, you might add) and continued. “But I don’t want a relationship. I only want sex. I can’t handle a relationship right now.” The surprised look on his face turned to a nice smirk.

  “I think I can work with that.” 

  You were screaming at yourself for even entertaining the idea of continuing to hook up with Hoseok. However, this was at least better than having a relationship with *some* feelings involved, as it automatically eliminated the need for jealousy. 

  This might not be so bad. 

  Goodbyes were exchanged. You hurried inside your building and went up in the elevator to your floor. You felt relieved to be in your own apartment. It was late in the morning but you wanted nothing more than to go back to bed. 

  But you decided to forgo it and brew a cup of coffee. You made toast too, so you could take an Advil and alleviate the subtle pounding in your skull. Breakfast, if you could call your massive cup of black coffee (you were out of milk) and slightly stale toast, was soon ready and you were leaning against your kitchen counter to dig in. 

  You had only gotten a few bites into your toast and one incredibly bitter sip of coffee before your phone went off. It was your friend, trying to reach you for what was probably the twenty fifth time in the span of twelve hours. 

  “Hello?” You grumbled into the phone, taking another sip of coffee whole you braced yourself for the scolding you were about to receive. “What the fuck happened to you last night? I get that Hoseok is hot and all, but I woke up this morning to Jooheon cleaning the bathroom counters with bleach!”

  You had to pull your phone away from your ear to make her loud tone more manageable to listen to. “Look, I’m sorry about all that. I didn’t intend for anything to happen.” There was a sigh on the other end. “I’ll forgive you, but only if you tell me every single detail.”

  And she was back. “He told me to meet him in the bathroom, so I did. We made out for a little bit, then he ate me out on your counter. Jooheon interrupted us, so we went out to his car and we finished there.” You didn’t need to see her face to know she was intrigued. “And how was he? Because Jooheon’s been talking about having one of his friends join us and if he’s-”

  She was going on a tangent and you had to cut her off. “Stop talking about you and Jooheon’s sex life or I won’t tell you anything.” That shut her up immediately. It didn’t stop her from huffing though. Once you were sure she was done, you started telling her some of the details from last night. 

  You went on to describe everything that happened from the night before; being eaten out on the bathroom counter, riding him the the motel room and round in the shower. You talked about how good his mouth was, the way he kissed you hard, the way he worshipped your body. 

  “Do you feel like fucking Hoseok helped you forget that guy who was on your mind?” She asked, and you stopped. It had just occurred to you that you never told your friend who the guy was. The little smile you had on your face from talking to her vanished. 

  “There’s something I didn’t tell you.” You muttered into the phone. “Hoseok was the guy.”

  The other end was silent for a moment. “Oh.” Was all she could manage to say. It scared you, because she could lecture you in a way that could only rival your mom. “You know what I’m gonna say, right? This is a bad idea, you’re gonna get hurt again, he’s no good! God, I wouldn’t have told Jooheon to uninvite him if I’d known.” 

  “I know, I know. I didn’t think he’d be there either, it’s not your fault. I told myself we’d fuck one last time, and that’d be it. I’d be able to move on and everything would be great. God, me and my big fucking mouth.” 

  She tried to comfort you with her words but nothing worked.

  The only silver lining (other than the great sex) was the lack of feelings. “At least now he can’t get jealous, right? If we aren’t romantically involved, there’s nothing he can say if I’m texting another guy.” That seemed logical part of you was screaming that you still shouldn’t do it. 

  “Just be careful, okay? If anything happens to you because of him, I will personally kick his ass into next week and promptly set you up with Kihyun. He told Jooheon that you were hot.”

  You smiled. “Thanks. And I might take you up on that offer.” You two talked on the phone for a little more before she had to go and get ready for work. As you continued with your day, you recieved a message from Hoseok. 

_   I want you, tonight. Be outside of your apartment at 8.  _

  God, what had gotten yourself into?

***

  It was a month and a half into your agreement with Hoseok. Feelings were off the table. Sex only. The closest thing you two had to going on a date was going out for dinner with your friend and Jooheon, along with the other guys. It was to a small and somewhat seedy diner but you enjoyed it (and Hoseok fingered you under the table). 

  You were spending more time in Hoseok’s apartment than you thought you would when initially starting your agreement. He’d call you in the wee hours of the morning because he woke up and needed you right then. You didn’t mind or anything; you’d fall asleep the next morning and wake up the next morning without any words shared. In fact, sometimes you’d leave before he even woke up. 

  You knew the words exchanged and actions between you two during the heat of the moment were just that; words exchanged in the heat of the moment. It wasn’t like you were saying ‘I love you’ or anything, but any words of praise or degradation were empty and fake. It was pointless to even think about getting wrapped into them.

  Hoseok was also acting riskier. He’d invite you over while his friends were there so he could fuck you in secret. He’d whisper sweet nothings about how filthy you were for letting him fuck you with several open ears a few doors away. After that, you’d clean yourselves up and you’d leave to move on with your evening. 

  And that was it. 

  However, things were beginning to slip past your level of comfort. You’d have a smoke together after sex. You’d be invited over along with his friends to watch a movie or something. He’d even ordered in dinner one night. It wasn’t like you were lovers, or even friends, but things were starting to change in a way that you weren’t entirely comfortable with. 

  Every time you’d try and bring up how you felt about this extra closeness, it’d turn into an argument about how he just wanted to do something nice and how you didn’t appreciate it (even though that was besides the point) and low and behold, you’d be making out again. 

  Then on the flip side, he’d ignore you for days on end as if to prove a point. 

  The sex had turned angry and almost hate fueled. It was a distraction from the real problems at hand and dare you say, this was worse that before. You knew ending it was a good idea. But how could you if every discussion about your ‘relationship’ ended with you getting bent over the nearest surface?

  You didn’t want to go to your friend for advice, it’d probably result in an ‘I told you so’ lecture that you didn’t need. You were on your own for this one. Low and behold, you were going to end things with Hoseok again, even if it killed you. 

  You just needed to figure out when. 

***

  You were about to settle in for the evening when your phone started vibrating like crazy. It was Hoseok. 

_ Meet me at the motel in 20 mins. I’ll be waiting.  _

  This might be your chance. You fixed up your appearance a little bit, put something on that wasn’t a pair of sweatpants and got in your car. You’d gone back to the motel for the honeymoon suite with Hoseok once since coming to your current agreement. He had gotten his own key cut, for his own personal use. It lead you to wonder: how many times had he used it with people other than you?

  You kept yourself calm during the drive over, trying to distract yourself from the way your nerves were swimming. Hoseok’s convertible was on the lot, empty so you assumed he was in the room already. 

  Your journey across the parking lot felt too long but it lasted seconds. You were trying to get your thoughts together as to what you were gonna say and how to keep in control of the situation. There you were, outside the room and hand raised to knock. 

_ You could do this _ . 

  You finally knocked and the door opened very slowly. There Hoseok was, eyes dark and glazed over with lust. His pants were undone to relieve the pressure on his erection, but they were still on. “You’re late.” He muttered, shutting the door behind you. You could hear your heart thumping loud in your chest. 

  Hoseok pushed you against the wall, letting his lips trace the shell of your ear. “Hoseok.” You tried to keep your tone of voice stern and steady, but it was no use. It came out breathy and moan like and that was all Hoseok needed to start kissing you. He was rough and intense right off the bat. 

  This wasn’t a part of the plan. 

  You could barely pull yourself away to breathe, let alone get a word in edgewise. It took a great deal of strength for you to push him off your lips and look into your eyes.

  “I want to end this.”

  Was all you could say. Hoseok’s eyes searched yours, before chuckling. “You don’t mean that. You wanted to end it the first time, and look where we are. You’re gonna come back to me in a few months. I’ve ruined you for anyone else. Admit it, no one can fuck you good like I can.” 

  You shook your head. “You’re full of yourself. Yes, I only wanted to continue this because you’re good in bed, but I’m done. I know what I want, and it isn’t this. It isn’t you.” He tried to kiss you again and grab your ass, but you pushed him off and slapped him across the face. 

  As you left Hoseok and the honeymoon suite, he shouted after you. “Girls your age never mean what they say!” Whatever else he wanted to say was muffled by the door slamming behind you as you walked off to your car. 

_   And I’m never going back.  _


End file.
